The Crossing of Morley Road and Lewisham High Street

"We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict."
~ Jim Morrison

Last night I walked home from a meeting with a Producer to talk about a potential film project. I was a block away from my house when I came upon an elderly man who was struggling to walk as fast as he could. He was crossing the street towards me, and I towards him. As we neared each other I noticed two young men behind him, each wearing bandanna's across their faces about to pounch on him.

I don't remember what happened exactly, I went on auto pilot. The two men jumped back and the elderly man ran off as best he could. I caught their gaze as I walked around them, I didn't run, I didn't show fear...I actually didn't have fear...it was the strangest feeling ever. Once I got to the other side of them I felt them coming up behind me. I kept my pace strong but without haste and I pulled out my phone.

I called my friend Elizabeth and told where I was and what was happening. I felt the footsteps behind me get further away. I made it to my door and called the police. Then the fear set in, as I spoke with the dispatcher I felt a little quiver in my knees but I knew I was safe. I was just so shocked that it had taken place. I am glad though that I came upon them when I did, that poor old man.

A few weeks ago my street was shut off because a crime had taken place at the same intersection where I encountered the men. I wonder if it was the same bandits. Supposedly the police were dispatched to the area last night. I hope that they continue to monitor the area but I do know that I will take the long way home if I need to walk home at night again. I don't think my body will go on autopilot again as it did last night....that was just luck.

What's interesting to me is that an experience like that doesn't bother me as much as you would think. I knew this neighbourhood wasn't the safest when I moved here but I didn't let that stop me. I grew up in worse...but at the same time it's no excuse to put yourself back into it.

The last few days have been quite interesting. Last Saturday was my 25th birthday and I had a blast. I even threw up for the first time in my life (from alcohol) and I danced like it was nobodies business. Two days later the boy I had been seeing told me we shouldn't see each other any more. The fear of never seeing him again completely overpowers the fear I had last night. He has been trying to contact me since the day but I've pretty much ignored him. I made a point to see him a week from today, as nothing more than a friend. We shall see what comes of it. No expectations, no pressure, no remorse......well at least that's what I'm telling myself.